I’ve really strive to be happier and
less negative; you know, content and carefree and easy going -- kind of like Drew Carey on The Drew Carey Show. I know that seems crazy, to emmulate Drew Carey (of all people!) but he is nothing if not some big, laid-back, "smiley
guy" – a hip geek perhaps? (Check out this video linked here). At least his
character on this show is portrayed that way, even if he is a little rough
around the edges and has that unappealing, adversarial relationship with that
unfunny and detestable Mimi. I used to
be more like that; more relaxed and content with life. A co-worker, Brigitte, said I’ve actually been reminding
her of Drew Carey lately, and at first, I was offended, because I don’t
particularly like the real Drew Carey as a person – he’s kind of crude and
unthoughtful at times, like an overgrown frat boy. But then I took it as a compliment, simply
because he’s usually so even-tempered and trouble-free (this world could often
choke itself on seriousness), and I like that style of his that projects an overall joy
and cheerfulness just to be alive, so that, despite his coarseness at times, he
actually comes across as being rather cool.
He’s a buzzed-cut, chubby, middle-aged geek in glasses, and not a stud
by any sense of the word, and yet he doesn’t care. He’s not ripped or particularly successful or
brainy, and so has none of the arrogance that goes along with being any of
those things, and yet he’s still happy with his life, or seems to exude that
contentment, so that even though he is not this society’s definition of what
constitutes a desirable man, he’s okay with who he is. And that suits someone
like me just fine.
Perhaps a better
example would be Tim Robbin’s character Andy Dufresne in the movie The Shawshank Redemption, who Morgan
Freeman’s character said “strolled without a care in the world.” (See the trailer for this brilliant, inspirational movie linked here) I loved that movie.
Here’s a character incarcerated for a crime he didn’t commit, and yet he
is still in high spirits and joyous, and still has hope while enduring the
harshest qualities of life. I can see
myself in Andy Dufresne and Drew Carey, in their underdog existence, because
they both still find the pleasure in life to keep them carrying on, and being happy,
and continuing to have hope. I admire the character of Andy Dufresne; like the Elephant Man, here’s a guy
who has been crapped on his whole life, and he still smiles, and finds the real
wonder of this place, and I like how he still manages to rise above the squalor of this
world.
I need that! Don’t we all? We all have our crosses to bear! The trick is to not let it break us and drag
us down to the level of the common scum of society, but to keep a ray of faith
within, a measure of bliss and peace and calm, even when we are persecuted and
beaten down. Like Andy, I want to find
that peace that allows me to stroll thankfully with a smile on my face, even if
it happens to be a figurative prison yard I stroll through, to compare with the
literal one Andy’s in… to just RISE ABOVE it all!
Lately, it seems more as if I was in
some depressing, gloomy novel, and life used to be more like a sitcom. I want that again! I want my life to have its own laugh-track,
and not that weepy, melancholy music that always seems to be playing softly in
the background these days. I want
the positive things of life, meaning that I don’t want life to be positive, for
it is never that all the time, but I want my reaction to all things to
be positive and carefree. I don’t want
life to drag me down, but like these fictional characters, I want to rise above
it, and still have a sense of awe.
I read somewhere that it actually helps to just smile, so I've tried it. I’ve been actively smiling and feigning true delight
and euphoria, even during times where I feel sad or am not truly exultant, and
you know what? It works! It really does work! Would you believe that? The lyrics to that song “Smile” by Nat King
Cole have true merit! (Hear the song linked here.) I'm finding that, even when I'm not all that happy, when I force myself to smile, I’m not as depressed; there’s something in the chemistry of it
all, and I get over my misery quicker when I actively try to live life in the
sunshine – and I’ll tell you something else: Having this kind of outlook, smiling even when you don't feel like it, actually starts to make even the rainy days tolerable, or even
enjoyable, and then I know what Gene Kelly was so happy about to be Singing in
the Rain (See this classic movie scene linked here). I don’t want to spend my life
dreading the rain, or the bleak, grey days of my life, because even bleak, grey
days have beauty if you look with better eyes, and even the coldest and
drabbest days can be enjoyed if you’re happy and have a song in your heart… and
if you have the heart of a happy child.
I loved Frances McDormand’s speech
at the end of the movie Fargo (linked here). After finding all those dead bodies and subduing
the last remaining killer, she drives him to the station in her squad car over cold,
icy roads on a colorless, dingy day, and says, “So that was Mrs. Lundegaard on
the floor in there, and I guess that was your accomplice in the wood
chipper. And those three people in
Brainerd. And for what? For a little bit of money. There’s more to life than a little money, ya
know. Don’tcha know that? And here ya are. And it’s a beautiful day. Well, I just don’t understand it.” I don’t either, Marge Gunderson, I surely
don’t either!
- From my Journal, March 2000
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