My Walk with God: How an Intellectual Investigation for the Truth Produced Yet Another Christian (Just Like C.S. Lewis!)

     Despite my questions about the validity and the impact of Christianity and the Bible on individual people or the society as a whole, and my sometimes obsessive fascination for some decidedly un-Christian things (like horror movies), and the fact that, yes, I am also a weak, back-sliding sinner – despite all of this, I still believe.  I’m still a Christian.  I still think that Jesus is the only thing that can save this sick, twisted society, and the Christian morals and values that go with Him hand in hand.

     We live in a cesspool of sin and depravity; of course it’s going to rub off on people, and that may even include me.  I am not above the influence of the evil one.  None of us are.  It’s in our nature to sin.  We were born into sin nature.  Like Lot in the land of Sodom, we are surrounded by sin, and we need God to keep us grounded in morals, and to help us make the right choices – the choices that will help us as a nation.  We can see what a lack of morals has done to us by visiting our public schools or turning on the TV, or shopping, or just walking down the street.  I see rude people, nasty people, selfish people, even evil people; I see people who frown all the time or who laugh at me and others; I see people who insult others or judge others using all the wrong criteria.  The same people who use that old Christian phrase “Thou shalt not judge” as retribution against judgmental Christians still end up judging others, particularly Christians.  Some people think that it is we Christians who are the nasty, evil people of this world (and it doesn’t help that, as with the Pharisees of Jesus' day, some so-called Christians really are nasty and evil).  Yet liberals see even good, true Christians as nasty and evil because we happen to think that homosexuality is a choice, and a wrong choice that is helping to warp our country.  They hate us because we value the life of the unborn over the choice of the mother.  They hate us because we don’t accept all people and lifestyles, and because we draw a line in the sand.  They hated Jesus for the same reason when He walked the earth, and for this, for being like Jesus, or trying to be like Jesus, we are ridiculed, viewed as “Crazy Church Nazis,” ostracized, or lumped with the likes of "the three Jims":  Jimmy Swaggert, Jim Baker, and Jim Jones.

     What I would like to do here and now [and in future posts] is to look at my faith critically; my belief in the Bible, my morals and values, and even my sinning nature and my belief that the blood of Jesus wipes away my sin, and compare this belief to the liberal view that everything and everyone is okay, and that we must accept everybody as they are because it is who they are based on their genetic makeup, and that they are not even responsible for the lifestyles they engage in or even the crimes they commit. 

     First of all, I do believe in God!  I believe there has to be a creator.  Both fortunately and unfortunately, this was not faith on my part that brought me to believe this, but rather a search for physical proof that God exists.  It’s unfortunate in that some Christians don’t need to search for proof of God’s existence – they just know it in their hearts that He exists; they have faith, and faith is simply good enough for them, and it’s all they need to believe.  They might even look at me as less of a Christian because I had this need to search for proof of my creator’s existence, and faith alone wasn’t good enough for me like it was for them.  However, I feel fortunate to be the kind of Christian who began my walk with God searching for proof, because it was in that search that I found truth as well.  I’m not the only one who has ever found God this way either, and I consider myself in good company.

     We didn’t go to church as a family when I was growing up, yet I still feel that God was in our home and in our hearts – we believed in Him without question (or at least I did – though I know this could just be the unquestioning belief of a child; after all, I believed in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny).  As I grew older, the world opened up, as it does for all children, and I learned about other schools of thoughts, scientific theories, and was exposed to the beliefs of atheists, and of the other religions.  Some of them contradicted the Christian religion I was taught, and many other things cast a shadow of doubt over my beliefs, as I'm sure it does for many children as they grow up.  Examples include the corruption of the Christian church throughout its history, the varied Bible translations and the different ways to interpret them, and the manipulation, indoctrination, and “peer pressure” that Christianity sometimes used to make converts and that were the same rather underhanded ways other religions used to increase their congregations.  The business side of church and their "pack 'em in the pews" mentality, is sometimes very easy to see, and not always pretty.  Viewed in this way, Christianity was merely just another religion, one of hundreds, even thousands, and let’s not forget the hundreds of various Christian denominations!  Methodist, Catholic, Protestant, and Nazarene are but a few of the different types of Christianity one can follow, and logically it would seem that with all these different kinds of Christianity floating about that the particular one I might choose to follow is almost certainly the wrong one.  I mean, what would make my brand of Christianity the right one?  Just my faith?  If that’s the case, couldn’t all the followers of these other types of Christianity, let alone another complete religion, be able to make the same claim?  With so many other choices out there, just what makes me think I’m right?

     The good news is that this line of reasoning casts doubts over all religions, or any school of thought really, be it religious or secular, and it's one of the main reasons quite a few people are allergic to any form of organized religion.  And given this argument, Christianity, if nothing else, still has as much possibility of being right as any of the others, and that includes all the different versions of Christianity itself.  All these religions and beliefs actually share the same “shadow of doubt.”

     So, in the end, having blind faith or just believing – just knowing it in your heart – doesn’t seem to be quite enough.  One should certainly love God with all their heart and soul, but also their head.  In fact, that is often, at least for me, the one greatest determining factor in my belief.  I believe a person should “search for the truth” if for no other reason than to strengthen his beliefs and defend them to others.  Additionally, I know that a big part of being a Christian and walking the Christian walk is an attempt to reach and teach others, those in the religion included, but particularly those outside of it, so that they may know about the saving grace of Jesus and join Him in heaven – so that the lost may be found.  The more versed a man or woman is in their religion, and the more facts they possess to back up the Bible and their belief, then the more equipped they will be to bring the Christian message of salvation to their neighbors and friends, or even members of their own family (and maybe even their enemies).  The healing message is one of Christ’s crucifixion on the cross for the purpose of saving us, and that whoever hears that message and truly believes it in their heart is saved.  Christians are actually required to be the bearer of God’s message to the rest of the world, and so the search for the facts to support that belief can also become the tools that can convert a non-believer!  Regardless, one should always search for the truth.  I think Jesus wants us to.

- From my journal, 1995 (and it still applies to today!)