Freedom and Morality Die Together

     I feel the effects of my existence drifting along, aging quickly while the world passes me by and I take notes that no one will ever read, or want to read; and if, perchance, someone did, it wouldn’t matter.  If I don’t have a family of my own, or love, or commitment, and am not really doing anything right now to help either myself or mankind, then what am I doing?  What is my purpose here?  To watch movies and keep myself entertained while I wait for the next life?  Hardly!

     I must make a difference in this world, and not be ashamed of who I am, or my past, for all that should matter now is the here and now, and who I am now, and what I do now to make a difference in this world.  Yes, this is another journal entry where I strive to be more than I am, and berate myself for talking the talk more than walking the walk.  I can hope, but this probably won’t be the last journal entry to follow this pattern.

     Yet regardless, I should always find fault with myself.  This is the only way I can strive to overcome my faults.  I’m afraid most of the world doesn’t share that view, and are too quick to blame others for their problems.  Just watch Jerry Springer:  It’s always someone else causing the problem!

     And how can I make a difference in this kind of atmosphere?  There are so many lost souls who just don’t get it, souls who think the problem at Columbine was mostly due to not enough restrictions on guns.  They actually think the problem will be solved if only we had tougher gun laws.

     Oh, I do not like this scenario, as I play with all possible repercussions from all possible sides and angles and points of view.  The outcome I foresee is an unsolved mess that won’t ultimately change anything no matter what happens.

     No wonder I’m depressed a lot of the time.  I'm beginning to think there is more negative than positive in this world, and most people can no longer tell the difference, if they ever could.  Even worse, they persecute and belittle those who can.

     Americans love their freedom!  America, freedom, and patriotism are often mixed into one big and glorious ideal, but it’s a double edged sword – an enigma, a paradox.  Just think of it:  Americans have so much patriotism for their country, land of the free!  They love their freedom so much that freedom takes precedence over morals and ethics, which are restricted four letter words in the liberal’s handbook.  Any liberal who read this would automatically wrinkle their nose and bristle when they get to the words “morals” and “ethics.”  (Do they even exist?  Aren’t they man-made?  Who’s moral’s are you referring to, your own?)  Yet I find it so ironic that when society breaks down due to a lack of morality, as it did at Columbine, one of the first actions of the liberal populace who love freedom so much is an attempt to restrict freedom (by passing more restrictive gun laws)!  In fact, the more morality fades away, the more restrictive laws we will need to keep a selfish and immoral populace from destroying themselves and each other.

     So I’m disillusioned with the world, and America.  I really don’t know a solution to this problem. There may not be one!  So I’ll just have to continue on for the moment with the only person I know I can change – me!
     -From my journal, May 1999, the month of the Columbine Massacre