For the Family: My 1999 Journal Year End Wrap Up

As I've said many times in this blog this year, I've been writing in a journal for over a decade now.  On the weekends, I've been posting on this blog some of the new things I've written in my journal, but in the middle of the week, I've actually been posting some old stuff from 1999.  This is the year end wrap up I wrote about what was going on with the family, and so, this particular blog post is a trip down memory lane for them and me (with a bit of introspection and life philosophy thrown in for good measure).  I don't usually share stuff about the family in my blog because it's personal, and it's kind of like looking at someone else's home movies; boring for people who aren't in the family (and maybe even boring for those who are!).  By the same token, a little bit every now and then can be fun, especially for those who lived it, as we remember the times we spent together.  

I spent a lot of time in my journal this year getting down on myself, without seeming to solve any of my problems.  I started out writing about new poems I’ve written and the fun I have singing Karaoke (see my post linked here).  That’s followed by months and months of soul searching, not liking who I am, but doing little to change myself (see my post linked here).  Towards the end of the year, things picked up a little as I spent fewer pages berating myself.  I believe self-esteem to be the key to solve the problems I have with myself.  I’m 35, yet the future still stands before me like a huge, scary monster… (see my blog post linked here)

     But if I would only build confidence in myself and my abilities, and really examine what I truly love, then the future doesn’t have to be scary.  In fact, it could be pleasing, enjoyable, exciting, and I could be happy and content with the life I lead, as long as I love myself and who I am.  Right now the future looks scary and hard, and a lot of work, but I should find that isn’t the case as the future becomes the present or the past, and I come to realize I’ve achieved my desired goals.  If I had it all to do over again, I probably would have really enjoyed acting, I think, or singing, or writing, or cartooning, or graphic arts of some kind…something in the arts.  That’s where my passion lies.  The one thing I have always consistently loved to do was to write.  That’s the reason why I’ve filled two whole journals with writing in just a single year!  Maybe I should be a writer already, or should have become one a long time ago.  But here’s one thing to consider:  These journals show that I am a writer now, perhaps even a “real” writer (whatever the hell that means!), and perhaps even a good writer; just not a published writer.

     And at the very end of the year, I finally started laying the groundwork to get my nose fixed!  My regular doctor referred me to an ear, nose, and throat specialist, who scheduled me for a CAT scan and a surgery.  The CAT scan revealed my nose to be a pussy, twisted mess!  He believes surgery will relieve my nasal suffering.  Thank the Lord!!! [It didn’t take]

Our big family camping trip that year close to Estes Park

     As with any year, several of the things we did this year involved most, if not all, of the family, such as our big camping trip this summer up at the putrid Olive Ridge campground by Estes Park (see my post linked here), or attending a Rockies game with Scott and Terry and the gang from ConferTech.  Terry, Scott and I also went through a lot of grief when we rented a U-Haul truck to move stuff from the Rose Tea Room to Scott and Angie’s garage in a situation I’ve labeled “The U-Haul Incident.”  There were also the opportunities throughout the rest of the year that allowed us to get together for celebration.  Most of them were fun, like our trip to Anderson Farms this year to get Halloween pumpkins (we got tons of great pictures of everybody!).

Brittany, Jessa, Brielle, and Mom

     In November, everybody in Kim’s and Terry’s families got MAJOR colds and infections, plus Mom and I.  I missed a week of work!  I was kind of worried about Mom when her cold became bronchitis!

     I love Mom very much, and I’m glad she got to go on several vacations this year.  In March, she went to Arizona with some friends Tom and Judy, who dropped her off on their way through so Mom could spend some time with her sister Colleen and Colleen’s family.  She really cherished her time with them!  In June, Mom got to go to Las Vegas with some of her friends from her bowling league.  That particular vacation ended on a sour note when Mom’s friend Marilyn booked them all in some sleazy, second-rate, seedy, fleabag motel, and the two other women, Rose and Judy, changed hotels, which upset Marilyn.  To keep the peace, Mom stayed at the sleazy dive with Marilyn, even though it scared and repulsed her!  Also, Mom’s cousin Margaret and Margaret’s husband Greg stopped by for a weekend in June, and I know Mom was happy to see them.  Mom deserves some happiness, and one of my favorite times with her this year was watching her go through her packed Christmas stocking, and open the book I made of all my poetry, Of Mind and Emotion.  I also got Mom a new microwave for Christmas, a television for the kitchen on her birthday, which she moved to her bedroom, and Mom bought herself a new VCR for the TV in the living room.  I enjoyed ending the year with her as we had a quiet millennium celebration with some homemade Bloody Marys.

     Scott and Angie had a pretty busy year.  Scott wound up buying three computers and I helped him finance two of them.  He keeps complimenting me on my emotional and thoughtful writing.  He really flatters me and tells me he thinks I’m very intelligent!  Boy, what that does for me!  I think he really respects me, and that leaves me feeling amazed and flabbergasted, and also, to be truthful, undeserving of all that respect, as my low self-esteem rears its ugly head.  Perhaps that is why he finally decided against pursuing that Amway pyramid business scam at the beginning of the year:  Because everybody warned him, including myself and Terry (who really ripped into the guy who was trying to induct Scott), and maybe Scott really values our opinions!  Mom and I spent time with Scott and Angie this year for Easter Egg decorating (where I took some horrible, horrible pictures!) and for Christmas Eve.  We also attended several functions, including a father/daughter dance with Scott and Brittany as part of an extended show at Loretta Heights College for the dance academy Brittany is enrolled in.

     Also, Angie’s Rose Tea Room on Grandview was bought by new owners, who did quite a bit of restoration.  Yet it is still not a money-maker for them.  That’s just too bad, because she works so hard at decorating tables and making food and making it a pleasant dining experience for those who enter her door!  As for Scott and Angie’s kids, I barely saw hide nor hair of Michael, and I still wonder if he liked the George Forman Lean Mean Grillin’ Machine I got him for Christmas last year.

     I’m worried about Jason a little bit because he’s into some things that I find to be negative indoctrinating influences from the far left liberal media.  Jason’s fascination with the likes of Limp Bizkit, Kid Rock, Korn, violent video games, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer have me bothered; in today’s culture, I get that this onslaught of violence, sex, and antisocialism is nearly impossible to resist, especially when you factor in the overwhelming influence of peer pressure (see my post linked here).

Alex and Jason

     Alex does his own thing.  The irony is that while most teens demand on exercising their individuality and uniqueness, the fact of the matter is that they actually end up conforming to a group, while the true individuals, like Alex, are usually ostracized by their peers for being too different!  Alex’s year actually started out really bad when he was diagnosed with diabetes, poor kid (see my post linked here)!  Everybody showered him with attention and gifts, and he went with our large group this year to the Boulder Dinner Theater to see Man of La Mancha.  I really enjoyed the plays of Greek and Roman mythologies that Alex’s class performed this year, and when that class graduated from the sixth grade at a school dinner, there wasn’t a dry eye to be found on the any of the students or the teacher!

     I’m really, really glad I got to spend some time with Brittany this year.  She’ll be a teenager soon and will soon be into all the things teenagers are into, as well she should!  This last summer, I spent some time with her and had fun reading aloud with her the first eleven chapters of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory; but alas, we never did finish the book and may not finish it in the future either.  I sincerely doubt we will.  I also remember having a heart to heart with her about liberals and conservatives, in terms a child could understand, so that she could really know why Scott didn’t like certain people, like Barbara Streisand.  She really surprised me when she grasped the concepts and understood.  At her birthday, I read aloud the poem I wrote her “You’re All That!”  I hope she liked it!

     Jacob needs some real tough love, so that his character will be strengthened and he can start learning how to survive as an adult, and take pride in accomplishments, own his mistakes, and enjoy the responsibility and respect he would earn from others and himself by being dependable.  For Jacob to grow up, he needs to be taught, and to understand mature concepts, including integrity, pride, and self-sacrifice.  Right now, Jacob tends to act on impulse without thinking about or understanding the consequences for his actions, but with persistence and a guiding hand, I believe that he could achieve some serious insight.

     Terry and I weren’t really getting along at the beginning of the year.  It wasn’t until March when he asked if I would attend a hunting class with him that things started getting better.  I had a blast in that hunting class, not because the class was something I desired, but because of Terry.  I think we became friends again (see my post linked here).  In April, I went with Terry and family to the Denver Museum of Natural History for their prehistoric exhibit for one of Heather’s school assignments.  Terry and I found a subject worthy of sarcasm:  The Theory of Evolution (see my post linked here)!  He also invited me to Pomona’s production of Guys and Dolls.  I just love live theater! 

     In May, Terry, his father-in-law Dick, and myself almost died in a traffic accident on Mother’s Day when we were headed back to Dick’s house with some buckets of chicken for everyone.  Some guy in a red convertible merged into Terry’s lane without checking to see if Terry or anybody was already there.  Terry ended up swerving over several lanes in an attempt to avoid him, and it’s a miracle nobody got hurt when his car spun around facing traffic!  It was very scary!  We celebrated our birthday at the Spaghetti Factory and a jazz bar called Enoteca that nobody really cared much for, except Terry, and maybe Brian Jewsbury.  At the end of the year, I spent time with Terry and family at Lakeside’s Nickel Day and also had Thanksgiving dinner with them, besides our usual Friday night movies.  I love them, and that includes Darece, of course!  She is so loving and has been so good for Terry!

Shannon's daughter Lexie and Emily Rose at Lakeside

     Emily Rose is so sweet and cute and adorable…until she gets angry, and then, watch out!  Sweet Heather turned seventeen and caught a mild case of the “Curse of the Teenage Attitude!”  In years to come, she will look back on that home with fondness.  Right now, as a teenager, she wants so desperately to assert her independence, and along with that, some control over her own life, and to believe that the choices she makes are the right choices.  Even if they are not, she needs to believe that they are.  She wants to be able to say, “I know what I’m doing,” without Terry and Darece countering with a “No you don’t.”  Only in later years can she admit Terry and Darece were right, but not now.  That’s how the teenage game is played, and how teenagers gain their independence.  However flawed they may be, they cannot see themselves that way, or they lose that independence.  The solution is independence without flaws.  Unfortunately, teenagers are too often not thinking clearly about the choices they make, and usually make decisions about their lives and future based on popularity and peer pressure.  I know she will mature and see the error of her teenage ways.  I love Heather very much, and for her birthday this year, I spent hours and hours on the computer making her a homemade card.  This was also the year Heather got her first job, bagging groceries at King Soopers, and she also learned to drive.  These are the two things that offer teens their first real taste of independence:  Money and wheels.

     Now, I didn’t really do a whole lot with Kim and her family until the Summer, when the girls had their birthday parties and Jessa graduated from pre-K.  Jessa’s grandpa Ron rented pony rides for Jessa’s birthday and everyone had fun, although we had to coax Emily Rose for an hour.  Once we finally got her on a pony, we couldn’t get her off!

Pony Rides!  First, Jessa and Troy, then Brielle with Kim and Troy, then Emily and Terry.

     Troy spent time this year renovating his basement, the same thing Scott was doing out of absolute necessity!  In September, Mom, Kim, and I had fun when we went bowling together, and we also had a picnic at the spot in the mountains above Central City where we had spread Dad’s ashes. 

Troy and Kim with Brielle and Jessa, Mom and me.

      I also had a lot of fun for Troy and Kim’s double birthday celebration at the Chop House and Sing Sing, but not as much fun later when we went to that overcrowded Polyesters.  Towards the end of the year, Kim was starting to get depressed about work and began a project of doing Memory Album pages for Angie and Darece for Christmas that Kim said was good therapy for her.  You’d know I couldn’t refuse when she asked for my help, even though I was trying to complete my poetry book.  I love to picture crop.  Kim was also depressed about her eyes, because her doctor told her she has a condition called Myopic Degeneration, which could eventually lead to blindness (hopefully in the far, far future, if ever).  I told Kim not to give up hope, and pointed out that the technology that saved Jessa’s life when she was born with twisted intestines didn’t exist 20 years ago.

     For the most part, Jessa and Brielle seem to be developing rather normally, and I’ll credit Troy and Kim’s parenting.

     Now for the in-laws and neighbors:

     Angie’s sister Jenny had her baby Isabella.

     Darece’s sister Donnell had a nightmare of a year.  Her daughter Stephanie started seeing some guy named Andy, but her other daughter Shannon showed up in November wanting her children back.  Donnell’s ex-husband Robby caused trouble for Donnell in August when he broke into the Tea Room and trashed the place, stealing money from the register.  He was caught and sentenced to jail.

     I like both of Darece’s sisters, Dana and Donnell.  I find Dana’s daughter Amber to be a very loving person, and I think her husband Brian is cool.  I find myself admiring him and his talents.  I can see he has some of the same passions that I do, including music and theater, and with real talent himself; all this, plus he’s a devoted man of God.  I only wish I could sing like he can.

Brian and Amber

     Then there was Troy’s parents Ron and Lonne who divorced, which has been really hard on Troy.

     As for the neighbors, Virginia Smith suffered from some form of stroke, the Geiskiengs moved out and some guy named Norm moved in, and Arlene’s daughter Jolene had a baby boy named Devon.

     Another year gone by in a continuing family soap opera – These are the Days of Our Lives…

In Defense of Dinesh D'Souza and the Film "2016: Obama's America"

People will believe whatever they want to believe.

As for me, I realize there is a division between the conservatives and the liberals.  With the things they each believe, I’m afraid this is unavoidable.  There is also a division between the Republicans and the Democrats.  They also have different ideas.

Then a film like 2016: Obama’s America (see the link here) comes along, and the debate begins anew.  I’m actually surprised by the sheer number of people who support it.  The box office numbers are quite strong, causing many to take notice.  Yet I am also not surprised by the number of people who don’t like it.  They sound surprisingly like brainwashed characters from the pages of George Orwell’s 1984, crying foul because their beloved Dear Leader has been “mercilessly” attacked.

As for me, I believe!  I first discovered Dinesh D’Souza years ago after I picked up and read a copy of his book What’s So Great About Christianity.  I found it extremely insightful, well thought out, well written, and actually on about the same level as C.S. Lewis’ Mere Christianity.  I also knew he was on the conservative right, and that meant there would be some crazy internet chatter surrounding him, with some on the left attempting to portray him as either a deluded simpleton, or as a deceptive, evil influence.  (Funny how people on the left can so easily use the term “evil”, something they don’t believe is actually real).  In reality, however, D’Souza was an intellectual, and in his debates with some of the leading atheists, even they came to understand that he was no cerebral slouch, and developed a respect for him, and he them.  Not so the internet crazies though, who usually did not come close to being at D’Souza’s level of intelligence or critical thinking skills, though to read them, they sure liked to think so.

Then I read an earlier book of his called Letters to a Young Conservative, and followed that up with Ronald Reagan, The Roots of Obama’s Rage (from which this movie documentary was derived, along with the book Obama’s America that I haven’t read yet), and most recently, Godforsaken (with What’s So Great About America ready on my nightstand, and Life After Death: The Evidence on my Amazon.com Wishlist).   He quickly became a favorite author of mine, and I looked up to him for his intellectual walk with God, showing me that Christians don’t have to separate the Spiritual Christian walk from their intellectual selves or put science and philosophy on a shelf in order to worship the Creator, but that they can actually meld the two, and be both a devoted follower of Christ AND an intellectual - and in fact, use their minds to reinforce their faith!

Of course, there was still the crazy internet chatter.  Who are these people anyway?

Then this film came out.  I knew ahead of time that all the people who swallowed everything Michael Moore had to say would hate this film, and the filmmakers, and the main audience.  The question is:  Does Dinesh have a legitimate point to make?  Is his theory plausible, or even more chilling, probable?  Perhaps he knew that Obama would have supporters coming out of the woodwork to discredit him and this film.  That’s why he used the historical facts surrounding Obama’s upbringing, things that cannot be disputed, and then cement them with large portions of dialogue from Obama’s own autobiography, Dreams from My Father.  I mean, it’s hard to discredit D’Souza when most of his ideas about Obama come right from Obama’s own prose!  Disputing his ideas means you’ve either got to dispute Obama’s own autobiography, or make general, unspecific, sweeping statements that Dinesh is an idiot and his book and film are  not factual and hope that the sleeping public buys into your general statements without thinking too much about them, like they usually do.

I really don’t think the naysayers have a leg to stand on when the basis of Dinesh’s theory is confirmed by Obama’s own words!  Yet they try.  The accusations of these naysayers, of course, are always unformed and unspecific, just like they usually are when they attack the right.  The negative reviews of users on the internet movie database don’t really attack the substance of the film itself, but instead make broad, general, non-specific attacks on the film and the filmmakers.  The internet users on the left make all the usual accusations we’ve come to expect, using their usual level of hatred, insane rantings, colorful language, and interesting grammar choices; you know – all the things they usually pin on right-wing fanatics!  Just listen to them concerning this movie, and see if you can find anything substantial and specific about the film (all the user movie reviews can be found linked here):

• Arguably the worst documentary I have seen in years.
• It begins right off the bat in attack mode…
• The ludicrous conclusions it draws from the "facts" presented in the first ¾ of the documentary would be laughable if this was not such an important subject…
• …just from an entertainment perspective it is boring and repetitive.
• The narrator is uninteresting and keeps going over the same details over and over again…
• Whatever side of the political fence you stand on you will probably find yourself disappointed by this documentary.
• This is a shame because something much more interesting could have been created.
• This is just the typical Republican crap rhetoric with a fancy label on it, brought to you by someone who has either sold his soul to party-over-country partisanship, or who saw the ratings for Sarah Palin's Alaska and realized the Tea Party were as gullible as they come.
• All of these people giving it ten stars are lying Tea Party soul-sellers that are all too eager to believe anything about Obama as long as it's negative.
• Even if you don't like Obama, you owe it to yourself not to let them get away with this.
• I can state with factual and logical certainty that the makers of this movie have a distorted view of reality.
• It is fitting that I saw this around National Dog Day because it reminded me of the @#*& I clean up after my pet.
• The film-school intellects can drool all they want about the important (imagined) meaning of this film, but it's just that: intellectual drool.
• This film is creatively bankrupt, and some mistake it's endless self-indulgent wanking as substance.
• He's capturing the birth of this new "morning in America" and he chooses instead to cover the music with some guy reading out of a True Detective mag or some such crap.
• Then there's the endless shots of what looks like 60's librarians spray-painting words on people's cars. And then there's the seemingly neverending "interview" where the actress was brilliantly instructed to answer only yes or no to all the really deep and intellectual questions. There's some dude in a suit is reading more crap from a book, which goes on for, oh, only about 20 minutes. And black panthers or something in a junkyard.
• But for unwashed film-school hipsters who don't care squat about the lost opportunities of having full access to the US Prez bringing Obamanomics into the world and would rather hear some English guy reading instead whilst gazing at the covers of nudie mag's, this film's a real winner! More accurately...maybe D'Souza just blows.
• …these gold-bricker are typical narrow-minded neo-cons…
• …engaging in anti-governmental propaganda as such in the time of today's turmoil is treason - treason of America - and anyone who watches or endorses this movie is a traitor of USA.
• Fictitious fabrications, cheesy montages, and fake interviews should make any normal person sick and filled with anger this "documentary"…
• Just a rehashing of all the stupid ideas the right have…
• A ten year old could have written it.
• Full of conspiracy theories and other nonsense.
• The only people going to see this are right wing racists and fear mongers.
• The film has none of the insight of Fahrenheit 9/11 or any actual facts for that matter.
• The box office will die on this in a week or two and this embarrassing film will forever remind us of how hateful the right wing are and also how uneducated.
• If the idea of a black man being elected President of the United States drives you absolutely crazy, and the idea that your secret agenda for your country is driven by the father who abandoned you at birth and have only seen twice in your life doesn't seem far fetched, then you will love this movie. It is propaganda of the highest form.
• It is such a preposterous notion, so artfully argued, that you might almost believe some of it has some basis in truth. But then, unless you watch Fox News non-stop, it dawns on you that you have been seduced by a paranoid dream of Africans taking over the country. And that that is a bad thing.
• I left really worried about how effectively it presented a completely paranoid, bizarrely contorted view of the world with so little basis in reality.
• the documentary lacks in all credible categories…
• The cinematography sucks…
• Can no one anymore offer a balanced political view without going to such extremes than to demonize and scare people into believing realities that just don't exist?
• Once again the Right displays their expertise in taking facts and twisting the truth into utter falsehoods.
• Taking bits and pieces of reality that lead lesser minds to illogical or fantastic conclusions while tongue is firmly planted in cheek is the worst kind of evil possible.
• I question if this D'Souza character actually believes any of this or if he is just paid an exorbitant amount of money to make this film seem serious. I find it outrageous that theaters are even screening it. Booooooooooo. Really, D'Souza, how do you sleep at night? This is what you dedicate your life to? Sad.
• Basically a propaganda piece using a minority to spew hateful rhetoric about a moderate, likable president who was given a raw deal.

Some of these people were giving reviews of the film without even seeing it, admittedly: 

“The first time I heard of 2016 was fifteen minutes ago. The listing's scant info only hints that 2016 has an agenda: a one-sided judgement… Since 2016 is a speculative prediction -- essentially sci-fi -- it may be fair to give it a speculative review before actually watching it.”

As if all this weren’t bad enough, check out this winning user review:

“for your delectation i swear its the worst movies ever made in the movie history. From the disappointing to the bad to the downright offensive, here is a pile of sick filth that should be banned if they ever start assessing narrative coherence and filmmaking skill. Ladies and gentlemen, your worst movies ever in you life will be this movie, the only strong point that the director has is , he has a big and large family members and friends who can help him voting high rank on the movie without watching it even, I cant believe how some people voted for even a "good" or "can be watched" , when we were watching it me and my friend at the cinema all the people at the cinema were laughing a lot because of the boredom and waiting a very small action to happen which didn't ,,anyway , trying is the best proof , but last advise try not to watch it in the weekend because you will spoil the whole week, good luck,”

Other than the obvious, that people who cannot write a coherent sentence or use punctuation think they can somehow attack the “narrative coherence and filmmaking skill” of a lauded bestseller and the producer of Schindler’s List, the thing that really gets me is how these people on the left think that what they say is truth and fact simply because they say it.  It’s almost like they’ve been using the Darwinian Evolutionists’ Playbook!

Science and Science Fiction on the Christian Walk

A Christian man’s walk with God is not the easy path.  Sometimes you must make sacrifices… sacrifices you may not want to make, all for a belief that is, at best, difficult to comprehend.  Following Christ is not simple, because Christ is not simple.  Ultimately, our acceptance of Christ as the Son of God and belief that He died for all our sins may be simple on the surface.  In fact, most Christians actually stop there, because that is really all that is required of us to achieve everlasting life with God in Heaven.  I’m not so vain that I don’t include myself in that mix.  But if you really get into it, the entire message of the bible, going beyond this simple requirement and into the philosophy and science of the existence of God and Jesus, it becomes mind boggling because it is incomprehensible to us mere mortals.

image from http://www.universetoday.com/82814/universe-image-gallery/

Many of my journal entries concerning my walk with God are merely my attempts at studying and contemplating God’s existence in the universe, and outside of it.  In the arts, it is Science Fiction that actually comes the closest to offering parallels for what God may actually be like, especially stories that focus on other realms of existence outside of this physical realm with its linear, unchanging timeline.  And so, in my journal, I used a few examples from the world of Sci-Fi as sources in a chance to explore the very nature and existence of God, past, present, future, and in all His various forms, including that of the Son of Man.  See my posts linked here and here.

I also examined this world He created; its physical construct and the laws imposed upon it by God, and the laws operating within this universe and galaxy.  It is a very naturalistic stage that God has made for us here, complete with rigid physical laws of time and space and cause and effect that on the surface don’t seem to leave too much room for things such as free will and choice.  A world of cause and effect alone is actually a world so ruled by the natural law that it, in fact, follows a strict and unaltered path that could be defined as predeterminism and fate.  Not that the Christian view is much different where predeterminism and fate are concerned, for the book of Revelations alone seems to have this view of unchangeable linear time.  After all, prophets cannot really see into the future if it has not already been set.  See my post linked here and here.

So with this inflexible, predetermined structure in both the secular and Christian view of things, where does God fit?  Well, I believe He does fit, in two ways:  First, God Himself exists outside of this structured world, and so does Satan and all the angels and demons of heaven and hell, and all are able to manipulate this unyielding cause and effect world.  I also believe that since God made us with for a purpose, having to do with choosing right over wrong, that we can also rise above and manipulate this cause and effect world by the spiritual choices we make.  Secondly, although God knows our futures, we do not, and He Himself does not impose those futures upon us.  Our choice is still our choice.  It’s just that since God exists outside the timeline, He can see all points on the timeline – past, present, and future - as if they were happening now, but that doesn’t mean our choices are not free will, only that God can see all choices of everybody at once.  Our future still unfolds before us as a mystery, which is the way God designed it.  The thing that makes it so confusing is that it looks like something completely different depending on whose viewpoint you see it from.  From our viewpoint, it is free-will, while from God’s viewpoint, it may appear as predetermined fate.  But no matter how you look at choice, from our viewpoint or God’s, I still believe that God does give us choice, and that is something that can only truly exist if free will also exists.  In essence, it is our immortal souls that allow us to rise above the constraints of this physical cause and effect universe.  Our physical bodies and the synapses and electrical impulses of our minds that give thought are things of this physical world, but our souls are of and for another existence beyond this one.  See my post linked here.

The rest of my walk with God this year would fall into the realm of prayer, as I apologized for sin, and asked for God’s guidance, understanding, love, and forgiveness.  I think I should be closer to God than I am, but I could probably say that about everybody on this planet.  Although some are definitely closer to God than I am, and some are farther away, either knowingly or unknowingly, all I need to worry about is me, and I know I need to be closer than I am.  In other words, I want Jesus to say to me, “Good job, good and faithful son,” but instead, if I go just by my walk with Him so far, it’s a good chance that He will instead say, “Boy, talk about just squeaking by!”  Either that or I’ll get that shocking news that Christ warns about from the New Testament, when He says, “You proclaimed Me with your lips, but not your heart.  I don’t know who you are,” and He’ll throw me into the darkness where I will join those weeping and gnashing their teeth, wondering why I wasn’t a better Christian.  Certainly, I believe that Jesus is really my Lord and Savior, so my name should be in the Book of Life; yet I still sin, and question sometimes, and I don’t do what I should, and I could do so much more.  I don’t know if this is merely excusable human weakness or something that I could be better about rising above, with help from the Holy Spirit.  The thing is, I shouldn’t be a better Christian for a selfish reason of wanting eternal life in heaven – that’s not the right way to follow Christ either!  I should be a better Christian out of love for Christ and my neighbors, and not because it will earn a spot in heaven, or keep me from just barely squeaking by or burning in hell.  This year, I’ve learned that the true path to heaven isn’t anything selfish at all, but rather the complete opposite:  Loving unconditionally, and putting God and others before yourself.  See my post linked here.

From my journal, Year Review: My Walk with God, 1999

What's So Great About Dinesh D'Souza

Dinesh D'Souza's new movie is released this weekend!  Check out this link:  2016.

There is a well written Preface in Dinesh D'Souza's book What's So Great About Christianity entitled “A Challenge to Believers – and Unbelievers” that I feel is a great introduction to the book as a whole, and introduces the concept of what the book is all about; in effect, not only the battle we should be facing, but also what really is so great about Christianity.

     Dinesh’s fight is my fight, and that’s probably one reason why I hold him, and this book, in such a high regard.  One could take on many fights in the modern landscape, against other philosophies and religions, injustices, social movements, cultures and subcultures, or even other Christians and other forms of Christianity, from the different denominations, offshoots, or cults born out of the belief to conservative or liberal leanings of other Christians, and to be sure, Dinesh does not leave any of these off the agenda.  But where his fight originates, and my fight always tends to manifest, is with the secular evolutionists.

Dinesh D'Souza

     Mark 12:30 tells us to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.”  Although I see many Christians, including myself, not loving God with all they are, with ALL our heart and soul and mind and strength – but only with some of it – I also see many Christians having difficulty just in loving God with their minds in particular.  They may have the heart and soul part of it down, either all or partly, and are touched and cry when they see injustice, and they sing at church and stand and wave their hands, and they give to charity, and support little boys and girls in faraway, impoverished lands with their donations, and they might go on mission trips – yet I must ask how many of them read the bible every day or study the Word on not just an emotional level and for the help it will give them in their own personal lives, but for their own knowledge and wisdom about God and His Kingdom as well.

     In the preface to this book, D’Souza relays a quote from biologist Stephen J. Gould, a confirmed atheist, who states that “secular society relies on reason and decides matters of fact, while religious people rely on faith and decide questions about values.”  (from Rocks of Ages: Science and Religion in the Fullness of Life, New York: Ballantine Books, 1999).  That sums up in a nutshell the contemptible view that modern science has for religion in general and Christianity in particular; in essence, he is saying, “leave the thinking about the real world to the big boys, you poor, deluded masses.”  If I didn’t know better, I would have thought Bill Maher helped him write that book.  And then D’Souza surprised me by saying that, yes, the poor deluded masses not only oblige Gould, but are delighted to do so, as D’Souza elaborates:  “Many Christians seized upon this distinction with relief.  This way they could stay in their subculture and be nice to everyone.”

Image from  http://abagond.wordpress.com/2010/07/10/the-bell-curve/ 

     Today’s Christians, you see, live in a secular society, and that wasn’t always the case, and many, if not most Christians, separate the two parts – secular and religious – almost as if they were living a bi-polar lifestyle.  There is their Christian life, and then there is their secular life, and rarely do the two meet.  In their secular lives, their Christianity is usually hidden.  Seldom do they engage the culture at large with their Christian concerns.  I might debate my faith from time to time on the internet on string posts or Facebook, or even occasionally out in the real world, but not always.  Should I say something to some of my friends or extended family when they post liberal views demonizing the conservative right on Facebook?  I haven't.  And as D’Souza mentioned in the quote above, there are some Christians that seized on the modern division between science and religion with “relief’ so “they could stay in their subculture and be nice to everyone,” completely removing themselves from the world.  From time to time, I have stated how I am somewhat glad to be “living in a bubble”, because I don’t want to be tainted by the world.  However, the Bible teaches that we should be in the world, but not of it, meaning that we are not to remove ourselves from the world, but to be engaged in things to such a point that the light of Christ is seen in us and allowed to change the world through us.  Yet many Christians, myself included for the most part, are afraid of the confrontation, and tend to have a “live and let live” mode of operandi.  We “agree to leave the secular world alone if the secular world agrees to leave [us] alone.”

     Part of the reason I like Dinesh and this book so much is that, through it, and through his debates, he paves the road I often wish I would take on more occasions.  Through Dinesh, and hopefully through my own writings and thoughts, I see clearly that Gould’s statement - “secular society relies on reason and decides matters of fact, while religious people rely on faith and decide questions about values” - although it is full of wishful thinking on Gould’s part, is not completely correct.  Today’s scientists are deeply embroiled in the politics of science, blatantly distorting “matters of fact” or twisting reason to sell their science and gain the accolades of their peers, and while many Christians may in fact rely only on faith and decide only questions of value, it was not always so, and was not designed to be so.  Before the last century, many, if not most, of the scientists and philosophers throughout the last two millennia in the west have been men of deep religious faith, marrying the two concepts together.  When they studied this world, they, in their minds, were studying God’s design.  That is not so much the case anymore in the scientific world, and most Christians have allowed it, stepping back and keeping their religion a separate thing of only personal faith and values, and running away from or being silent to the attacks against them.  But there are some out there in the scientific world (unpopular there to say the least) who question some of these deliberate scientific distortions and political games, and likewise, there are some Christians, like Dinesh, that question the idea of separating the two and staying personal with their quiet religious faith and values.

     Dinesh loves the Lord his God with all his mind, not just his heart and soul, and he encourages us to do the same, making him something of a modern day C.S. Lewis in my view.  In his book, he competently argues for his faith against others with sharp minds of their own and who do not believe as he believes.  The reaction of most Christians to such opposition is usually either one of fear or indifference, but D’Souza bravely takes on the battle, and says that we, as men of God, should do likewise.  He says that, as a Christian, “you must first know what you believe.  You must also know why you believe it.  And you must be able to communicate these reasons to those who don’t share your belief.”

     But this clash is not an easy one.  No longer is the opposition content with just staying on their side of the fence and leaving us alone (and if Dinesh is any indication, or my feelings on this matter, neither are at least a few of the Christians content to just stay on our side in our “hushed little belief.”)  Dinesh explains in this introduction to his book that even this modern division between the religious and the scientific - where scientists have their faithless science and Christians have their faith in Christ, and never the two shall meet – isn’t enough for a new Atheist movement led by Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris, and Christopher Hitchens with books like The God Delusion, The End of Faith, and God is Not Great, men who are against the concept of religion in general and Christianity in particular.  Their contention is that scientific atheists have their worldview – there is no God, everything evolved by chance, there are no miracles or angels, and Jesus was just a man – and that Christians have their world view – God exists and created everything, miracles do happen, there are angels, and Jesus Christ was the Son of God, the Messiah – and that both worldviews cannot be true.  They are right in this – both views cannot be true, but in their intellectual arrogance, they don’t even question whether or not they are correct; they simply know they are, and they explain as much in their books.  In this new movement, they see Christians as deluded, and the smart Christians that aren’t just the brainwashed masses are an enemy with a deceptive agenda, one that must be called out and stopped.

Image from  http://colliedoscope.blogspot.com/2010/09/excuse-me-i-have-interest-here-in-logic.html 

     Dinesh then explains how we are ill prepared for this atheistic attack, as ministers are, and should be, concerned with their own congregations, which are full of people who believe like they do, that Jesus is the Christ.  They, and most Christians for that matter, are not prepared to take on the bullies who call their God a murderous fiction, and the Bible a book for fools.  Dinesh wants us to follow his example, and take on these secular atheists whose main goal is to eradicate religion, and especially Christianity, because they see Christianity as the single most problematic perpetrator of evils upon the earth (which doesn’t make a whole lot of sense if you ask me, since they cannot actually agree that evil itself really exists).

     Dinesh’s struggle I see as my personal struggle as well.  As I started to say at the beginning of this journal entry, there are a lot of directions one could take in their choice to believe, and many different struggles one can choose.  It seems that I am geared towards this one in particular:  The intelligent debate for my faith against secular atheists.  It’s something I have continued to grapple with for my entire existence as a Christian.  I find Dinesh D’Souza an extremely appropriate role model for this fight for my God in the face of blatant aggression and condemnation coming from the secular atheists against “simple minded” Christians.  Dinesh shows me, and them, that they’ve got another thing coming if they think all Christians are just simple minded sheep, or that we will take such a role for them.  Some Christians are as they say, but I’m happy to say some, like Dinesh, are not.  And despite my penchant for entertaining my brain into slumber for them, I’m happy to say I hold the same views as Dinesh, and the biggest compliment I can give him is that I would like to be much more like him in my intellectual Christian life.  It would make me more confident in my struggles against the atheists.

An intellectual debate against atheists is just another day at the office for D'Souza

Northern Exposure: Loving Quirky

Some of my favorite TV shows are what you might call "quirky".  Though a number of them cross the line into the realm of the wild, the strange, the bizarre, and the weird, I've often found that the farther they move into these categories, the less quirky they become.  There's just something quite endearing about "quirk," viewing the monotony of life slightly off-kilter or twisted, until it becomes something skewered in a Twilight Zone sort of way.  I love some of the more "quirky" movies such as I Love You to Death, After Hours, Big Fish, Little Miss Sunshine, and Lars and the Real Girl, while favorite quirky TV shows over the years have included Twin Peaks, Ed, Pushing Daisies, Malcolm in the Middle, Corner Gas from Canada, and, of course, Northern Exposure.  The site linked here is a good place to check out the Alaskan Moosefest. 

     Years ago, I used to have a job in which my lunch hour was from 12:00 to 1:00.  Being fairly close to home, I sometimes went home for lunch to eat leftovers, and a friend and co-worker, Jan, had lunch at the same time.  I complained that I couldn’t find anything worthwhile on TV at that time, and she mentioned that the cable network A&E had just started rerunning Northern Exposure from the very first episode.  I became hooked on this show, and perhaps it’s the mark of a really good show that it caused me to be nearly late getting back to work on my “leftover” days because I wanted to stay and watch it.

     The show is very unconventional and original, and delightfully so, with the writing at a very high level.  As proof, check out this link: Cicely is a State of Mind.  The characters were all pleasingly eccentric and gratifyingly goofy, but unlike the cardboard cutouts of most television comedies, these guys up north all felt more real, like real people you’d like to know and spend time with.  This quality is sorely missing from television these days, particularly characters that feel real and yet are still likable!  I really enjoyed what I saw of this show, and would enjoy seeing more.  Hell, they even made their lives in the frozen tundra of Alaska look inviting, and as much as I hate the cold, I wouldn’t mind it so much if the people I spent time with were like this unconventional group!